How to Deal with Peer Pressure

When interacting within a community or society, people often fall victim to the hands of peer pressure. Negative peer pressure, that I am referring to, takes one away from the deen of Allah(S.W.T) and brings him/her closer to Shaitan. Not only do children but grown ups as well are at times compelled to go against the laws of Allah(S.W.T) due to peer pressure. This deadly force is dangerous as it targets man's desire to be accepted by others around him and not be insulted or made fun of. So how does one deal with peer pressure and how does one guide their children to resist it.



It is most important for us to realize and recognize our utmost priority in life. Our primary purpose in this life is to worship Allah(S.W.T) as seen in the Quran:

"And I have not created the Jinn and man but that they worship Me" [Quran 51:57]

Thus we have to always remember that it is not important what other people around us will say or whether other people would laugh at us or what they would think about us. What is of any significance is that what will Allah(S.W.T) think of us.

Today many among the youth are getting readily involved in drugs, alcohol, illegitimate relationships etc. Not only the youth but the elder people are also giving in to the peer pressure and adopting activities that are contradictory to the religion of Allah(S.W.T). Why? Because they want to be part of the crowd. People around them do it and they feel that if they do not join in that their peers would make fun of them. A Muslim working in a top organization feels that it is obligatory for him to drink at the office party or get together. A school going child, who would be in his teens, feels that if he is not going to the school prom with a 'date' then he will be termed a 'loser'. They are more concerned with what others will think about them and hence they actively take part in such activities. It would be social suicide if they acted otherwise.

As much as everyone would like to blame the West for the youth adopting such practices, the hard fact is that only we are to be blamed for this. It is we who have failed this fight and it is only our fault. It's high time we all realize this fact.

So what are we missing here? Being part of the Muslim Ummah, not only do we have to install within us rock solid Islamic values but also impart these values to our children. Once we claim "I am a Muslim" we bear a lot of responsibilities. Not only do we represent ourselves and our family, we represent the entire Muslim Ummah and Islam. Thus it is important for us to have our own identity and be proud of our beliefs and practices.

Our youth are always eager to turn on the TV to watch their favorite band performing but they are never eager to watch a good lecture about Islam. They are eager to download the latest mp3 songs but never bothered to download the Quran. The problem here is that people have started to idolize celebrities. Our children would know more about the lives of their favorite celebrity and would know little or nothing about the life of Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W.W).

Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W.W) was sent to all Mankind as a blessing. He not only explained to us the commandments of Allah(S.W.T) but also lived his(S.A.W.W) entire life according to them. His humbleness was beyond any measure and his kindness had no limits.

"Ye have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful pattern (of conduct) for any one whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who engages much in the Praise of Allah." [Quran 33:21]

It is important for the Muslim Ummah to follow the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W.W). He was sent as a teacher to us so that we may attain heaven as our final abode. Salah should be made regular and we should try to indulge in as much Dhikr as we can. We have to teach ourselves, people around us, our youth and our children the solid values which Prophet Muhammad(S.A.W.W) taught us. In adopting the practices of our Propeht(S.A.W.W) there is nothing but countless blessings for us.

"And obey Allah and the messenger, that ye may find mercy" [Quran 3:132]

Children becoming slaves to the force of social pressures is actually a very serious issue especially for the parents who normally have no idea what their children are doing outside the house. There are boys who are becoming drug addicts and some have even died due to driving under the influence of alcohol. They drift away from studies as a result of drug abuse and indulge in many illegitimate and sometimes illegal activities. Many resort to small thefts to be able to purchase drugs or alcohol. The harmful effects of drug and alcohol addiction are no mystery to us.

There are cases where girls get pregnant before marriage. These girls then cannot tell their families about the pregnancy and thus try to go for abortion. One sin leads to another. Abortion itself has its dark realities that many are not aware of. With increasing new inventions in science and technology, there are still some physical side effects with abortion like secondary infertility can be induced. There have been cases where patients have had excessive uterine bleeding and have actually required blood transfusions. Many also develop breast cancer. Apart from these there are risks of future complications in labor, placenta previa, cervical lacerations, uterine perforation, and ectopic pregnancies which is actually life threatening. Endometritis is another condition which can occur after an abortion. This condition is likely to develop after abortion especially in teenagers.

These are only to list the few physical negative effects that leave a female exposed to due to abortion. Teenagers are also exposed to the risk of long term reproduction damage. Without a doubt, with these physical side effects there are psychological side effects as well. Researchers have no dispute regarding the psychological aspects and tend to agree unanimously on it. Abortion is thus established to be emotionally difficult and stressful for the female. The problem which arises is in the methodology used by the women to deal with such stressful conditions. Drugs and alcohol are seen to be stress relievers and hence many women including teenagers turn towards these in order to relieve them from the stress that they are experiencing. This leads to drug abuses and alcoholism which can in turn lead to death due to an overdose or could lead onto liver failure due to alcohol consumption. Drugs and alcohol are known to be harmful for the human body and there is no disagreement between scientists, researchers and doctors regarding this. With abortion when teenagers undergo depression, they tend to abuse these harmful substances. Using these substances to relieve stress is not a good idea or the right way to approach stress because "the underlying unresolved mourning will not be addressed, and they will then also be faced with all the problems associated with addiction" [Philip G. Ney et al, 'Abortion and Subsequent Substance Abuse.' American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse 26.1 (2000): 61.].

The scope of this article was not intended towards the harmful effects of abortion but I mentioned them so that we know the exact magnitude of the dangers we put ourselves in for no reason at all. These are not made up tales but are the harsh realities. We can choose to turn our faces away from them or we can face them head on and bring a change in our lives so as to positively address these issues. We need to bring a change in our lives today for surely "never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves" [Quran 13:11]. Islam gives us the solution to save ourselves from all these negative effects. Islam has the answer to all such problems, we only need to apply Islam to our lives. Our primary focus should be what our position will be in front of Allah(S.W.T) at the Day of Judgment rather than 'what would my boss think if I don't drink at this social gathering' or 'all my friend will think that I am a coward if I don't smoke up'.

A Muslim does not care what others think about him. He only loves Allah(S.W.T) and His Messenger(S.A.W.W) and wishes to live his life according to the deen of Allah(S.W.T). That is the quality of a true believer whom the Quran describes as "never afraid of the reproaches of such as find fault" [Quran 5:54]

Remember when Noah(as) was building the ark, the chiefs of the people would often ridicule and make fun of him. That did not stop him from following the command of Allah(S.W.T). He would only reply to them saying "If you are scoffing at us-behold, we are scoffing at you [and your ignorance], just as you are scoffing at us" [Quran 11:38]. This should be the attitude of a true believer. He should not care about what others say or would say and continue to follow the commands of Allah(S.W.T).

We are Muslims and we should have our own identity. Following pop stars and rock stars should not be anywhere on our priority list. Those among us who invite us to ways contradictory to Islam should instead be invited by us to the Way of Allah(S.W.T). This way we stay away from that which is forbidden and also fulfill our duty to conduct da'wah. InshaAllah a little effort from us will be rewarded greatly so let's not waste anymore time and be a positive influence on those who would otherwise be a negative influence on us.

Ebrahim Saifuddin