How Men Should Treat Their Wives

Live With Women Honorably

Allaah Say's,

[وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ]

(And live with them honorably), by saying kind words to them, treating them kindly and making your appearance appealing for them, as much as you can, just as you like the same from them.

Allaah said in another Aayah,

[وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِى عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ]

(And they have rights similar over them to what is reasonable) [2:228].

The Messenger of Allaah said,

«خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي»

(The best among you is he who is the best with his family. Verily, I am the best one among you with my family.) It was the practice of the Messenger of Allah to be kind, cheerful, playful with his wives, compassionate, spending on them and laughing with them. The Messenger used to race with `A’ishah, the Mother of the Faithful, as a means of kindness to her. `A’ishah said, “The Messenger of Allah raced with me and I won the race. This occurred before I gained weight, and afterwards I raced with him again, and he won that race. He said,

«هذِهِ بِتِلْك»

(This [victory ] is for that [victory].)”
When the Prophet was at the home of one of his wives, sometimes all of his wives would meet there and eat together, and they would then go back to their homes. He and his wife would sleep in the same bed, he would remove his upper garment, sleeping in only his lower garment. The Prophet used to talk to the wife whose night it was, after praying `Isha’ and before he went to sleep.
Allah Say's,

[لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ]

(Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have a good example to follow) [33:21].
Allah Say's,

[فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئاً وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْراً كَثِيراً]

(If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.) Allah says that your patience, which is demonstrated by keeping wives whom you dislike, carries good rewards for you in this life and the Hereafter. Ibn `Abbas commented on this Ayah, “That the husband may feel compassion towards his wife and Allah gives him a child with her, and this child carries tremendous goodness.”

An authentic Hadith states,

«لَا يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً، إِنْ سَخِطَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا، رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَر»

(No believing man should hate his believing wife. If he dislikes a part of her conduct, he would surely like another.)
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (rahimahullaah)
Umm Su’aad